Marchy

March has always suffered from bipolar disorder around here. Unfortunately, this year, March has been depressed a lot. Manic party girl March only came out for a few days. Luckily, we were able to take advantage of that with a short hike.

The North facing slopes were convinced it was still winter, which led to a great deal of slipping, falling, and crying. 

The South facing slopes were under the impression that it was midsummer, causing the kids to shed their heavy layers and attempt to turn me into their pack mule. Lucky for me, I wasn't medically cleared to schlep a backpack. 

You wore it in, you can haul it out. 

We had a great time and it was so nice to get out in the fresh air. It's been a long and terrible winter and we needed a little fun. 

The next weekend there was more snow on the ground. Our friends hosted a night time egg hunt, which I think was only enhanced by the snow. 

Easter... in March. 

The depression continued when we got 14 inches of snow and 50 mph wind the next week. 

That led to my first snow day in the 4 years since I have returned to work and the first snow day the governor has granted in 7 years.

We could have spent the day cleaning, but we didn't. 

The girls wanted to make cupcakes and so that is what they did.  

They did them all by themselves. (With the exception of the frosting. I am not a chill enough mom to give my kids access to powdered sugar) They are supposed to be bunnies. I think they turned out very nicely. 

The lure of 14 inches of fresh snow drew them outside for hours...

and hours. I don't know how they can withstand the cold so long. It's probably because they don't know any better. 

Then we enjoyed a premature Easter. It was lovely nonetheless. 

For real, we have a candy problem. I can't resist Easter candy. Maybe next year I will get the kids crafts. Who am I kidding? I can't stand crafts. 

Besides, the excitement that candy elicits cannot be matched. 

Here is our Fancy Easter Dress Picture. 

Hey, I've got an idea. Lets load the kids up with sugar and then ask them to pose for a serious picture. We should caption it with something like "I'm so grateful for Easter and also that my family is better looking than yours". 

Why does this never work for us?

The kids insisted on yet another egg hunt. There was still a lot of snow in the yard so Chris and I didn't so much "hide" the eggs as "dump" the eggs. 

The kids complained that the eggs were too easy to find.

I complained that the it didn't keep the kids out of the kitchen for long enough while I was cooking dinner. 

Nonetheless, it was a lovely Easter and I was grateful to have the energy to enjoy it. 

Today March decided to go out with a bang and hit us with a little more snow. It was a wimpy storm that resulted in damp pavement and that's about it. Nevertheless school was cancelled. 

When school is cancelled, there are two camps: the working moms who can't go to work and probably burned their leave taking care of sick kids all winter, and the moms who are grateful to have a day when they don't have to change out of their yoga pants all day and want to spend more time with their kids. You can tell them apart on Facebook. The working moms post: "The snow isn't even sticking to the pavement! The school district is crazy!". The yoga pants moms post: "I am so grateful that my child doesn't have to risk their life in this 34° weather. The district made the right call. Stay safe and warm."

I am a part of the camp who has been burning my vacation leave lately so I can do things like get poison pumped into my body and have surgeries. That also means that Chris has been piling up vacation time since I can't go anywhere. Therefore, I am in the camp of ample husbandly vacation time. He was happy to use some of his leave to stay home with the kids today. And I drove (above) the speed limit on my way to work today and never once felt that my life was in danger. I was safe. And thanks to my heated car seat, I was warm. I also made it to work in record time because there were no school busses on the road. 

And now, I am declaring this the last 3''+ snow storm of the season. April better not pull this crap. Or else I'm going to move to one of those equatorial third world countries where the sun shines year round. As far as I'm concerned, the lack of modern medical treatments and plumbing will be a small price to pay.  

Enough

I thought I'd blog to give everyone an update on our not-so-thrilling lives. Also to document our latest chapter.

I finally healed up enough from chemo to have my "final" reconstructive surgery. (Final is in quotes because I'm not ruling out the possibility of needing revisions. This is not typical cosmetic surgery where the outcome is overwhelmingly positive.)

After an unexpected night in the hospital, I spent the last week in the company of my surgical drains, Zofran, and Downton Abbey. Despite the Zofran, I still had a rough week and couldn't attend Emily's parent night because the world was spinning. I've reached the conclusion that I do not react well to anesthesia. Unfortunately surgeons like to operate while the patient is unconscious.

I'm told Emily did well. Her project was on pioneers. She has been very into history this year and has loved learning about Wyoming. I am proud of her academic interest.

Yesterday we performed one of the rites of spring: the visit to see the chicks at Murdoch's. After a nice long walk, we made our annual pilgrimage. I think there are children who raise these animals for egg laying and consumption. These children have parents that are better than we are. Our children will never fully understand farm to table logic or the great circle of life. In other news, Emily is getting a hankering to fire up her aquarium again so she can kill another fish. I think we've talked her into a cactus instead. 

I took a picture today so that people can see that I'm still kicking. I hate the way I look. I've forgotten what my eyebrows are supposed to look like. I've been doing quite a bit of plucking, but it just feels like there are so many more of them than there were before. And while I hate the almost-long-enough-for-a-pixie look, I am ridiculously grateful to have hair. I hated wearing a head cover. And I hated wearing eye makeup. I'm glad that's done.

So I guess it's on to survival. I hope this is a long chapter. I am excited to put some distance between me and cancer. Some people get comfort and encouragement by identifying with the cancer. It works for them. They find peace in the pink ribbons. I don't. I don't need to be reminded of what I've been through.

I have finally been admitted into a circle of survivors that includes my amazing friends and family: Virginia, one of my biggest supporters, who left cancer behind and became a wife and mother. Carol, who survived breast cancer but succumbed to another cancer. I believe it was her who guided my hand to find my cancer that morning. Grandma, who survived for decades and was never shy about creeping me out with her breast prosthesis. Phyllis, who does everything with humor and style, including cancer. Pam, who reminds me that while it's okay to be afraid, it's not okay to let the fear run your life. Leanna, who gave me hope that I would find normal again and who gave me encouragement when my hair was just starting to sprout. Sandy, who has kept my mom calm while I underwent treatment. Kathy, whose spirit survives and who cheers for me from the other side. And all the other women who are part of the 1 in 8. While I love being part of this circle, I want to put the cancer itself behind me. I don't want to let it define me or my future. I miss my life and I'm going to fight like crazy to get back to it. For now, it is an uphill battle. I am afraid most of the time. Maybe in another year, I'll only be afraid half the time. Maybe in a decade, it will be a twinge of fear here and there. 

In the meantime, I am thankful for my husband and kids, for my friends and family, for my hair and eyebrows. It's enough for now.