To all the drafters I have ever offended

I admit it. I have been known to give drafters a hard time. I have given them huge revisions with no apologies and on one (very tense) occasion, even told one to, "shut up and sit down". To these noble souls, I would like to issue a heartfelt apology. For the last two weeks I have been drafting my own design for a change and have realized that drafting is miserable horrible work.

I'm sorry for acting like the carpal tunnel syndrome was all in your head. CAD work causes you to sit in an incredibly uncomfortable and unnatural position.

I'm sorry for sneaking in early and opening the blinds so I could get some natural light. I now realize that staring at the screen all day gives you a huge headache and excessive amounts of natural light aggravate it to the point that you think your head will explode.

I'm sorry for telling you to, "man up and get my sheets done". I now appreciate all the work that goes into those nasty little lines.

It's true that you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone and right now, I'm sitting here wishing that a fairy godmother drafter would drop from the sky and finish my sheets. So, to all the drafters I have ever worked with: please accept my apology and please consider doing some sidework for me in the future.

The clone army

Today was a pretty good day. First of all, it was the first day of spring, which I firmly believe should be considered a national holiday. Secondly, Chris came home today. He's been gone for the last few days at an Engineer's conference. He is having a hard time adjusting to normal life after being surrounded by a clone army.

Allow me to explain. This clone army is not modeled after Jango Fett; it is modeled after this guy:

Now, I have no idea who this guy is, but he is a perfect example of a civil design engineer. Notice the plaid and the clean cut appearance. I think engineers wear plaid in hopes that when they are out in the field, the construction workers might mistake them for a hunting buddy. This seldom works. Construction workers can smell engineers from a mile away.

The field engineers have a slightly different appearance. They usually have a three day beard and, when caught bareheaded, have a permanent hat ring in their hair. They too wear the ubiquitous plaid.

You can imagine how I always stick out like a sore thumb wherever my kind gather. In spite of my most earnest efforts, I have been unable to find plaid women's clothing. If anyone has any tips on where I might find a flattering plaid shirt, please share them with me. I would be most grateful.

Everything sounds better with a British accent

This morning, I was running late and I was becoming frustrated with the long process of getting my daughter ready and fed. In the midst of my rush, the doorbell rang. I went to the door and peeked out the peephole to see a man with the worst teeth I've ever seen carrying a folder full of fliers. Since it was obvious I had made enough noise for him to hear me, I reluctantly opened the door.

As soon as I opened the door, I realized he was a Jehovah's witness. Normally, this would have been quite a vexing interruption, but as he invited me to an Easter service in a pleasant British accent, I found myself suddenly relaxed and smiling. As he left, I thanked him profusely for the flier and bid him a wonderful morning. After I shut the door and looked at the flier in my hand, I realized what had happened. I had been completely disarmed by his accent.

It is amazing how anything said with a British accent is automatically pleasant, intelligent and reasonable. To this end, next time I get pulled over, I am going to try using a British accent of my own,

"Pardon me, officer. I was merely in a rush to my flat as I must get my scones in the oven before tea time. Whilst I was in such a terrible hurry, I failed to notice the light had turned red. Terrible luck, that".

I bet the officer will just smile and tell me to go on my way before he even realizes I've pulled a fast one.

My wildest dreams

It's official! I got a new contract for a small project today. It is a retaining wall on the greenway, but as far as I'm concerned, I couldn't be more thrilled if I was asked to design the replacement for the Golden Gate bridge.

Since my nights, weekends and naptimes (Emmy's - not mine) will be consumed with this project for the next month, my blogfans should prepare for disappointment. My posts will be short but sweet for the next little while. Have a super day! I know I will.

My Giant... Purse, That is

As any mother knows, there comes a time in a child's life when the large diaper bag becomes impractical to haul around and only comes out for church, long car trips, and visits to a babysitter. Once the diaper bag goes into semi retirement, a new solution must be found to carry around a few toddler essentials.

One solution is the mini diaper bag. It is just large enough to accommodate a couple diapers and a travel pack of wipes. The other solution is the giant purse. This combines the purse and the diaper bag into one and allows you to carry one bag with you wherever you go. After careful deliberation, I chose the latter of the two options. Here is a picture of my enormous handbag. As you can see, I have placed it next to an actual elephant for size comparison:



I have always been a small purse gal, but when faced with the choice of two bags or one, I chose to simplify. I purchased the giant purse about a month ago and have been using it ever since. For anyone considering the mammoth purse option, I have composed a list of pros and cons.

Pros:
1) You are never caught without supplies when you realize "that smell" is coming from your kid's pants.
2) Snacks for your child can double as snacks for you in a pinch.
3) Baby wipes are always at your fingertips and can prove almost as useful and versatile as MacGyver's duct tape.
4) On a night when you have employed the services of a babysitter, you can ditch the diaper, wipes and snack and fill your purse with two sodas, two boxes of candy and a gallon sized bag of popcorn in order to save $40 at the movie theater.
5) The sheer size of the purse has the same effect as walking next to an obese friend: you appear to lose ten pounds without dieting.

Cons:
1) Once you get to the theater, the purse does not store neatly at your feet. Its bulk makes it very difficult to find a comfortable position.
2) It is impossible to find anything in the cavernous blackness that is the inside of the purse. Your friends and relations will have to get used to leaving voicemails because there is no way you are going to find that phone before it stops ringing.
3) The contents of the purse are constantly crashing into one another, creating a strange jangling noise wherever you go.

If this helps just one person who is on the fence about purchasing a 12 pound lump of cow skin then it was worth every ounce of effort I put into this entry, including the capture of a wild elephant.

Peace

Today I had planned on writing one of my typical dry, sarcastic blog entries. As I contemplated my entry, it occurred to me that perhaps I should write about something else.

This morning as I was curling my hair, my mind wandered back to the day I took my professional exams. For no particular reason, I began to wonder about the one other female who passed the exams that day. She had been a friend of mine in school and we worked together, both before and after graduation. For a moment I envied the promotion she must have received after earning her license and, for a split second, wished that her climb up the corporate ladder had been mine.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of gibberish words set to a tuneless song floating down the hallway. As I listened to Emily sing, I realized that I wouldn't trade my little family for even the highest rung on the most prestigious corporate ladder. With this realization came a feeling which I thought had deserted me forever- peace.

For the last two years, I have been praying for deliverance from a situation in which I was not happy. I had everything I ever dreamed of except a career and I felt I would never be satisfied without that final piece. I wanted a way to have it all. I wanted to be released from the answer I had received when I prayed about staying home with my daughter. I searched for justification to return to work. All this created a panicked state of mind and constant feelings of dissatisfaction.

A few weeks ago, my prayers turned from requests for deliverance to requests for peace. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, peace has crept into my life. Nothing about my life has changed. I haven't received any more contracts for my pitiful home-based business. The terrible twos haven't disappeared. I'm still not able to afford new furniture, cute clothes or a nice car. Nothing has changed but my outlook. I am able to see blessings to which I have been blind. And that has made all the difference.