Leading up to surgery, the news went from bad to worse. My tumor was aggressive. Top of the charts aggressive. And it was triple negative, which means that it has no hormone receptors and that chemo is the only treatment option. Four days before surgery my chemo regimen was set. 5 months of harsh treatments whether or not the cancer had spread. I had no hope of avoiding chemo. I still don't. It will happen, in a couple weeks whether I want it to or not, so I need to remember that it hasn't all been bad news.
The Saturday before my surgery I went for one last run and then took a hike with my family. 7.5 miles into what we thought would be a 5 mile hike, the whining was at an all time high.
Nonetheless, it was a great last hurrah of health.
The following day I got a blessing from Chris. He promised me that I would get to raise the kids. That is, after all, the thing I really wanted out of this.
The next day I went into surgery. Prep was so incredibly unpleasant. It took 4 people and innumerable pokes to set my IV. But mainly I was scared to death that the surgery would reveal cancer in my lymph nodes. As they wheeled me out of prep, they gave me something amazing in my IV. I didn't catch the name, but it started with a V. If I ever become a junkie, it will be on that stuff. I no longer cared that I had cancer.
This is where Chris' story differs from mine. For him, it was 9 hours of waiting and worrying. For me, it was 5 minutes. Either way, I woke up very late that night. The first thing I heard was a conversation between a doctor and a nurse. He said, "The nodes were negative?". The answer, "Yeah, negative". I hoped beyond all hope they were talking about me and not some other cancer patient that was waking up at 11:00 at night. The nurse at my side was going on and on about how I needed an oxygen mask and how I shouldn't try to sit up. I didn't care for any of it.
"Were my nodes negative?" I demanded.
She went to check.
"There was no cancer in your nodes"
Chris had known for 6 hours and had been waiting to give me that news. Poor guy to have his Christmas morning surprise spoiled by a couple of talkative medical professionals.
Now, let's pause for a minute on this amazing news. I am 36 years old. I don't get mammograms. I don't have a significant family history of cancer. I don't do self exams. I was not looking for cancer, neither was my doctor. Yet, I just caught a super aggressive, fast growing cancer in Stage I, when it is most curable.
The next day I found out that my other breast also had precancerous cells. For me, a lumpectomy would most likely have meant a second surgery and may have possibly taken my life. But now my breasts are gone and I never have to worry about being diagnosed with breast cancer again.
This is what that looks like:
The next few days passed in a haze of pain. I never realized how much I use my chest muscles until they had expanders shoved underneath them. In the 9 hours during surgery, the nerves that run down my arms had been severely irritated and I had a tiny spot of one lung collapse. I was in rough shape. I also had to carry these drains around with me wherever I went.
I spent 3 nights in the hospital and then came home where Chris has been taking care of me ever since. He has been amazing. He has done everything for me this week. He held my hand on Monday when they took out my drains. He has helped me stand up countless times. He has picked up my medicines and supplied me with food and water. He even figured out how to wash my hair without getting my dressings wet. That alone deserves my undying love.
My mom has been taking great care of the kids. They have been even happier than they would have been at home.
So basically, I'm on the mend, I'm doing well and (because so many people have asked) my implants are set to starter size. That's not where I will end up. And now I'd better sign off because my entire upper body is screaming since I made it type so long. Maybe in another month I'll be ready to blog again. By then I will be deep in the throes of chemo. But until then, things are getting better every day.
