Peace

Today I had planned on writing one of my typical dry, sarcastic blog entries. As I contemplated my entry, it occurred to me that perhaps I should write about something else.

This morning as I was curling my hair, my mind wandered back to the day I took my professional exams. For no particular reason, I began to wonder about the one other female who passed the exams that day. She had been a friend of mine in school and we worked together, both before and after graduation. For a moment I envied the promotion she must have received after earning her license and, for a split second, wished that her climb up the corporate ladder had been mine.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of gibberish words set to a tuneless song floating down the hallway. As I listened to Emily sing, I realized that I wouldn't trade my little family for even the highest rung on the most prestigious corporate ladder. With this realization came a feeling which I thought had deserted me forever- peace.

For the last two years, I have been praying for deliverance from a situation in which I was not happy. I had everything I ever dreamed of except a career and I felt I would never be satisfied without that final piece. I wanted a way to have it all. I wanted to be released from the answer I had received when I prayed about staying home with my daughter. I searched for justification to return to work. All this created a panicked state of mind and constant feelings of dissatisfaction.

A few weeks ago, my prayers turned from requests for deliverance to requests for peace. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, peace has crept into my life. Nothing about my life has changed. I haven't received any more contracts for my pitiful home-based business. The terrible twos haven't disappeared. I'm still not able to afford new furniture, cute clothes or a nice car. Nothing has changed but my outlook. I am able to see blessings to which I have been blind. And that has made all the difference.