Everybody Poops

I recently recalled a conversation I had with Chris years ago. It was in the golden age before children. We were spending time with some friends who possessed several small children. The wife (let's call her Jan) had just been shouting at the top of her lungs, "Who pooped? I can smell poop". And then, after finding the culprit, she became angry and announced to the pooper, "I don't have any diapers for you. You'll just have to wear some of your brother's".

Not having spent much time around small children, I was horrified. I told Chris I never wanted to have children because it would make me lose my dignity. Chris reassured me, saying, "Jan and you are very different people. You would never be like her in a million years. I'm sure she wasn't dignified before she had children. You, on the other hand, ooze dignity. She is one kind of mom and you will be another kind of mom. You can still keep your identity and be a mother".

Well, Chris, several years later I can tell you that you were unqualifiedly WRONG! I have not a shred of dignity to my name. I lost most of it during Emily's infant months - dealing with public blowouts, trying to nurse in a crowd and going everywhere with a baby that screamed at the top of her lungs all the time. I can actually mark the moment when the last bit of dignity left me. As I puked into a jar in front of a roomful of people during my labor with Jane, I realized it was gone for good. All my dreams of being a sophisticated woman who is known for her grace and clever remarks in intelligent company went into that jar on that cold December morning.

So what triggered that distant memory of my dignified days? While engaged in a conversation with my hairstylist (whom I knew before either she or I were mothers) I realized we had been talking for at least fifteen minutes about our children's poop. Neither of us were embarrassed and the conversation was interesting to both of us. What had happened to those days in college when she would cut my hair and we would discuss world events and concerts and rumors of which new restaurants were coming to town? I'll tell you what happened. This happened:



And then this happened:

At least I got something in return for my dignity.