We did the same old things - made sand butterflies, played on the wobbly raft and had a puppet show. It didn't feel the same. Neither do any of the places we love. Having two kids on the extreme end of the activity and mischief spectrum and only one of me has been frustrating to say the least. Everywhere I go, I notice moms sitting, chatting and watching their kids play. I long to sit. I long to chat. If only for a moment. I almost never do. It would increase my reaction time to unacceptable levels. I feel like when we go out, it's one long round of crisis prevention with the occasional crisis recovery. By the end of a day out with the kids I feel beat up.
The worst part is that no matter how hard I work to keep my kids happy and safe, they sometimes get away from me. And when they do, the criticism starts. Criticism from other moms, from people without kids who think they have any clue what they're talking about, and criticism from people whose children are grown.
Worst of all is the criticism from myself. Every time my kids get out of my sight, I beat myself up for days. When they don't get out of my sight, I am constantly criticizing myself for being too overbearing and for yelling too much. All I know is that I am one cranky mom.
I wish we could go to the Children's Garden and once again have an enjoyable day. But for now, that's something that will have to wait. Perhaps until I am a grandma.
5 comments:
I hear ya Rachael. I am the same way. My 3 almost 4 year old has no sense of limits. I have to keep a constant eye on him. We went to chuck e cheese the other day and I felt the same way. Maybe we do need to be more laid back. Remember we did play at the park in our under roos when we were little.
My dearest Rachael,
Give your self a break. There is no such thing as a super mom. The mom's who criticize you for not having perfect children have issues of their own. Let your girls be young, and get into mischief. This is the only childhood they will have, and your only opportunity to be their mother. Live and let live. Really there are worse things in the world than Emily stripping naked to play in the water at the Children's Garden. 4 is still young enough to laugh about mischief. Be happy your girls are inquisitive, and encourage it! You have been blessed with the divine role of motherhood. Enjoy every moment of it, because it is a gift. These are things I have to remind myself of every day. Here's a quote from Pres. Hinkley I keep in my planner, as a reminder...
"Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquished His parental rights or interests in these little ones.
Now, Love them, Take care of them. Father, control your tempers, now and in all the years to come. Mothers, control your voices, keep them down. Rear your children in love, the the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Take care of your little ones, welcome into your homes and nurture and love them with all of your hearts.
They may do, in the years that come, some things you would not want them to do, but be patient, be patient. You have not failed as long as you have tried. Never forget that."
You are an incredible woman, and mother. Don't under estimate yourself!!!! You are doing a wonderful job & your girls love you!!!
Rachael, you are a wonderful mom. And I've never even seen you interact with your kids in person. You love them and you recognize they are a gift. So good job and hang in there!! (And maybe invent a fancy set of earplugs that will allow you to be in tune with your kids while blissfully blocking out all the unwarranted criticism.) You're doing a great job!
Thank you everyone for your comments. My friends are the best!
Amber: It's good to know I'm not the only one that feels that way.
Marcie: Thank you for the perspective. You are are as close to supermom as it gets.
Bryony: Thanks for the vote of confidence. I keep forgetting we've never actually met each other's kids in person. I hope we can fix that someday.
People who criticize suck.
Big Time.
I think you are such a good mother that I've been contemplating for days asking you if you'll take my children under your wing. They likely succeed better with you than they will with me :)
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