A Great Mother's Day

This year, I got a bit extravagant with my Mother's Day requests. At first I asked Chris to clean all the dead plant matter and weeds out of the front and back yard gardens. That sort of ballooned into this:

Before

After

Yes, that's right. Chris built me a nice little vegetable garden. I have had limited success with vegetables in the past, but this is the year I stop paying for cherry tomatoes. At least during August and the first half of September.

He also surprised me with roses yesterday and chocolates this morning. Not just any chocolates. Godiva chocolates. A 19 piece box. I cannot express in words how happy Godiva chocolates make me. It is almost indecent how much I enjoy them. For the next 19 days I will be a happy girl. Then I will go through withdrawals.

Emily helped Chris with the garden and then colored a picture of me that actually included arms and legs. And then today she told me that she would like to go live with her friend's mom. I'll be writing that one down for future guilt trips...

All in all, it was a pretty good day. Thanks, Chris for all your hard work. Thanks, Jane for not having a blowout. Thanks, Emily for not giving me reason to call poison control today. You guys made my Mother's Day great!

An Exam, a Marriage and a Misnomer

Last week was interesting... to say the least. But it ended on a high note. Thursday, Chris left to take the P.E. exam in Casper. He took said exam on Friday while Jane made her first out of state trip to Brian (Chris' brother) and Virginia's wedding rehearsal in Fort Collins. Emily practiced her flower girl duties and Jane practiced being good.

Chris got back late Friday night (If you ask him how he did on the exam, you will get a very non-committal answer) and we caught a few hours sleep before we had to get the girls and ourselves all prettied up and made a very snowy return trip to Fort Collins.

The wedding was beautiful but very, very cold.

Chris was a very dapper best man. (don't worry, folks - it's sparkling cider.)

Emily was outstanding as the flower girl. (Pictured here with the ringbearer moments before the wedding)

Brian and Virginia made a striking couple.

And Jane screamed so loudly and resolutely, you'd think she was being paid for it.

And that is why I have no pictures of the actual wedding. Jane and I had to watch the outdoor wedding from the windows of the bed and breakfast at the location.

Just for laughs: Here is the only existing picture of me at the wedding:

I told Chris I look like I'm about to kill someone and Chris responded with, "You always look like you're about to kill someone". Thus answering the question,"How long do you have to be married before you're totally honest with your spouse?" Answer: 8 years.

But, really, it was a great time. Emily was the life of the party, regaling the guests with her superior dancing techniques.

The cherry on top was this awesome sign I saw on the way into town. I am still laughing.

Congratulations, Brian and Virginia. May you have as happy and honest a marriage as Chris and I do.

Open Mouth... Insert Foot

I say stupid things. Lots and lots of stupid things. As a matter of fact, if anyone asked me if I had a special talent I would tell them that I am gifted with verbal slip-ups. Today I made one such slip-up and it got me to thinking about some of my more memorable ones.

My favorite is the Date Auction incident of my Freshman year. Those of you who heard this particular Freudian slip, may remember it. Unfortunately it is a story I can't repeat here because the subject of the slip is still unaware of it and you never know who's reading.

My most disastrous slip occurred when I was teaching the Easter sharing time in primary. One particularly mouthy little girl asked why we couldn't learn about Jesus and the Easter Bunny. I told her it was because Jesus was real and the Easter Bunny wasn't. I didn't realize I had said anything out of line until I saw all the little crestfallen faces. Before you think I'm a total jerk, keep in mind it was senior primary, meaning there was no one under 8 in the room.

This Easter, I was praying over breakfast. Emily wouldn't stop playing with the toy rabbit she had received in her basket. So I inadvertently prayed that the food would nourish and strengthen our bunnies. I'm pretty sure that prayer just got canceled out.

That brings me to today. I ran into a girl I knew in high school while we were at the park. She recognized me right away, but it took a minute for me to remember her. Finally, I said, "Oh. I know you. You married James Potter. I used to work with him". I went on to tell her about how I took the P.E. exam with James. We talked for a bit about our kids and then it was time for us to go home. I called Chris at lunch and told him I ran into James Potter's wife.

"You mean Jason?"
"No, James. I'm sure of it. She didn't correct me and I said his name several times".
Chris looks his name up on the roster of his coworkers, "No. It's Jason".
"I could have sworn it was James".

Then it hit me. It couldn't have been James Potter because James was married to Lily. He was also killed by Voldemort thirty years ago. At least I didn't call him Dobby.

Just Answer the Question

Last night I got a phone call from a company doing a survey for the state health department. The questions regarded how my lifestyle affected my health. Since this is about the tenth phone call I have recieved from them, I finally decided to give in and take the survey in order to stop the calls.

The first half of the survey went well. It had to do with physical health. I let the woman administering the survey that I did not smoke or drink and that I worked out regularly. Just as I was congratulating myself on my excellent health practices, we moved on to the mental health portion. I was moving right along until we go to the question, "How often do you find that normal daily activities seem excessively difficult?". I began to laugh. This question wasn't formulated by someone with small children.

Anyone who would ask this question has never shopped for groceries with a screaming infant strapped to her chest and a toddler trying to open every box and package in the cart. She (or he) has never dressed kid one, kid two and found there was no energy or time to prepare herself for the day. She has never fed kid one, kid two and then ran out of steam to do anything but grab a pop tart for herself. She has never had to orchestrate an elaborate plan to get fifty pounds of laundry and two kids from the main floor to the second floor of the house while never leaving the kids alone on either floor for more than 30 seconds. She has never woken up at 6 a.m. only to be late for the 10:15 storytime at the library. She has never tried to clean house while balancing a baby on her hip all the while working at odds with the toddler who is trying to undo her work faster than she is able to clean. She has never visited a public restroom with two very small children in tow. She has never put off going to the bathroom as long as was physically possible and when she finally gave in, came out to find this:






(it's blue pen, by the way)








So, yes, I do find every day taks difficult. Does it make me crazy? Probably.

A Musical Dinosaur

The other day a group of friends and I were having a discussion about concerts we'd seen and I realized something: most of my favorite bands are either all or mostly dead. That makes me a little sad. There are only a few bands in the last ten years that I've even remotely enjoyed listening to. The radio is packed with R&B and bands that try to sound like U2 (Yes, Chris. I'm talking about Coldplay).


Meanwhile, I am still waiting for Boston to find someone decent to replace Brad Delp or for Christine McVee to return to Fleetwood Mac or for Bon Jovi to quit sucking. But in the long run it doesn't matter because they're all getting old and I haven't found anybody new to love.


Maybe it's the new music formats that have made music so disposable. I used to love going to the store to get a new CD. I would pay fifteen bucks for an album with two songs I liked and then listen to it nonstop over the next week. Eventually, I would come to love the rest of the album. Now you pay a buck a song to download just the ones you want. Do bands even put out albums anymore or do they just release single after gimmicky single?

So there you have it. I am a musical dinosaur. I long for the days when I would browse through the used CD's at Hastings hoping that someone had cast aside a decent Peter Gabriel album. And I no longer know where to start when I want to listen to something new. The internet is crammed with mediocre music and the radio is all country all the time. So does anyone have any good suggestions on how and where to find good music? If I don't do something fast, all my faves will be too old to tour in ten years and I will be doomed to a life without concerts just as my girls will be old enough to stay home alone.

What were those chicks eating?

Today has been a day I have spent wishing I had returned to work. I started out pretty low on patience since I've been sick all week and am still trying to get over it. Emily quickly drained my low reserves this morning when she climbed to the third shelf of the linen closet and pushed all the folded sheets out of her way so she could "sleep" there. After I got her down, she followed up her opening act by climbing to the top of her bookcase and then climbing into Jane's crib so she could investigate her mobile.

And then things started to go downhill. We visited the local ranch supply store so Emily could gawk at the baby chicks. As we were leaving, I noticed a mystery greenish paste on the knees of her pants. I can only assume it was chick poop. We got home just in time for both girls to be hungry for lunch. After changing Emily's pants and considering the best method to remove bird feces from clothing, I fed Emily, fed Jane and figured I could do fine with a cookie for lunch. Then I started in on the hand-me downs. Jane is quickly outgrowing her 3 month sizes, so I retrieved the carefully packed box labeled "6 months" from the basement only to discover that although the clothes looked clean 2 years ago, the residual spit-up has caused an amazing yellowing effect over time. I'm still not sure if it will ever come out.

But as I was reading to Emily before her nap, something happened that made me glad I was at home today instead of at work. Emily and I were sitting on the bed and Jane was laying next to us investigating a toy lamb. She is at that stage where the first thing she wants to do with any toy is to stick it in her mouth. She is getting very good at grabbing things with her hand and getting them in her mouth. That's why I was surprised and elated when she pushed the toy lamb to her mouth with her little arm. Although we have been encouraging her to use her little arm, this is the first time I have seen her use it without any prompting to play with something. I'm glad I'm the one who got to see that. It wouldn't have meant much to a daycare provider, but to me it was another sign that Jane will be okay. And for now, that's exactly what I need.

How the serpent got Eve to take a bite

Although I try very hard to avoid falling for corporate America's ploys to get me to spend more money than is necessary, I admit I occasionally fall prey to the impulse buy. Lately, my Achilles heel has been Cadbury Cream Eggs. Because, you know, that bunny only cranks them out from February to April and if I don't take advantage of them now, I will most certainly regret it.

Last week, as I was doing my weekly grocery shopping, a new item was strategically placed in order to force me into another impulse buy. There I was, minding my own business in the produce section, when suddenly I noticed the clamshell case holding four small fuji apples. Not just any apples - Grapples. Apples that taste like grapes?! I had to buy this product. Because I had to know if the claim on the package was true. Did I care that the net weight was only 20 oz. and the price was $4? Of course not! Can you really put a price on fruit that tastes like other fruit?

When I reached home, I rushed to put the groceries away so I could tear open that clamshell case. As you can see, the Grapple is like any other apple. And, disappointingly, it is not purple on the inside. Does it really taste like a grape? Yes. But very subtly. To be honest, it tasted more like an apple than a grape. By a long shot. And a fuji apple doesn't have a very strong flavor to begin with. Needless to say, this week's shopping trip will not include any more Grapples. Now if they could just make a lemon flavored banana... that is something I would buy in a heartbeat.