Yesterday, I finally discovered my golden ticket when I set foot inside Whole Foods market for the very first time. After spending a few moments in the store, two thoughts occurred to me: 1) My grocery purchases have been poisoning my family, killing the planet and fueling slave and drug trade in third world countries, and, 2) No family can be fed with organic food on one income.
So, you see, I have no choice. If I don't go back to work, my family will consume more artificial hormones each year via the beef we eat than the average pro athlete injects over the course of a lifetime. My current shopping habits cause 27 cases of chicken cruelty, 14 hours of child labor and $12,387 in drug trade each business day.
I had my resume all ready to go when I realized that in order to buy my groceries at Whole Foods, I would have to drive 40 miles one way just to get my shopping done. Since I'm not likely to do that, I guess I'll need another excuse to reenter the workforce. Any suggestions?
2 comments:
Fine, if you want a slacker husband, I'm sure I can "find myself" through a 50" HDTV, an Xbox 360 Pro w/ HDMI, a Nintendo Wii and a bevy of games for each system. Not to mention dozens of bags of Doritos and Diet Pepsi Max (all purchased at Whole Foods, of course).
Just say the word, baby.
It's better this way. If everyone shopped at places like Whole Foods, all those South American children would be out of work and then who would support their families? On a side note, I'm sick of everyone telling me to "go green" (I'd just like to punch that Oprah Winfrey!). Like you said, I just don't make enough. I was reading a magazine and Clorox has come out with a new "green"(whatever that means)line of cleaning products for sale at Target. They are only like $2-3 a bottle. It's about time. I guess that's what I can do to help the environment.
P.S. You could always break Chris's knee-caps. Then he'd have to go on disability and couldn't work.
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