Two good things

Today two good things happened:

The first was that the drywall guys finished in our basement guest room. It's not that they haven't been perfectly polite and considerate - it's just weird having strangers in your house all day. It has been fun making the neighbors think that I'm having an affair with a guy who drives an Astro Van, but I am so happy to have the house back to myself. Oh - and if I ever did have an affair, it would be with a guy who drives a purple Hyundai. I have a weakness for men who are so secure in their masculinity that they are comfortable driving cars normally piloted by high school girls.



The second good thing that happened was that we finally had a warm day. Emily wore shorts for the first time this year. She braved a bad cold to spend some time in the sun. (By the way, we didn't get a dog - we just had our lawn aerated.) Due to global warming, shorts day came quite a bit later than it has in previous years and that made it even more welcome.

A quick trip to Wal Mart

Last night I had to pay a visit to Wal Mart. Normally I don't shop there, but I was only a few blocks away running errands and I just had to pick up a few items for the priesthood ice cream social. How bad could it be?

I entered Wal Mart at 7:25 and counted myself extremely lucky to find a cart with a working toddler seatbelt on only the second try. This should have been a good omen for the rest of my trip. I found the toppings with no trouble with the exception of the Reddi Whip and the cherries. After picking up the disposable bowls and spoons, I realized I was making great time and congratulated myself on conquering the Wal Mart beast.

Next was the Reddi Whip. I checked by the cream and milk. Not there. I checked by the refrigerated Jell-o. Maybe Reddi Whip doesn't have to be refrigerated. I checked by the baking supplies. Not there. I checked in the center-of-the isle refrigerated bins. Not there. Discouraged and sick of singing "Old McDonald Had a Farm" to keep Emily from having a meltdown, I went for the ice cream.

After procuring the ice cream, I finally found a Wal Mart employee. She was a stocker, but my best bet. After explaining to her what Reddi Whip was, she told me to check by the milk. I checked again and found it had not magically appeared. Defeated, I picked up a tub of frozen-solid Cool Whip and hoped it would thaw on my way to drop off the supplies. By then, the ice cream had started to get soft, so I exchanged it for some fresh ice cream before leaving the store.

On my way out, I passed the milk, then the cottage cheese, then the yogurt then - Reddi Whip! For some reason, in the collective Wal Mart brain, whipped topping is closer in genus and species to yogurt than to whipping cream. I triumphantly placed two cans of it in my cart and sneaked the Cool Whip from my cart onto the shelf next to the cottage cheese.

When I went to check out, I realized two things: 1) I never did find those cherries and 2) I accidentally grabbed light ice cream. Oh well, most of those guys could stand to loose a few pounds anyway.

I finally left the store at 8:15. It had taken me 50 minutes to pick up ice cream and toppings. My weekly grocery trip to King Soopers normally takes 45. In the future, I will remember there is no such thing as a quick trip to Wal Mart.

To all the drafters I have ever offended

I admit it. I have been known to give drafters a hard time. I have given them huge revisions with no apologies and on one (very tense) occasion, even told one to, "shut up and sit down". To these noble souls, I would like to issue a heartfelt apology. For the last two weeks I have been drafting my own design for a change and have realized that drafting is miserable horrible work.

I'm sorry for acting like the carpal tunnel syndrome was all in your head. CAD work causes you to sit in an incredibly uncomfortable and unnatural position.

I'm sorry for sneaking in early and opening the blinds so I could get some natural light. I now realize that staring at the screen all day gives you a huge headache and excessive amounts of natural light aggravate it to the point that you think your head will explode.

I'm sorry for telling you to, "man up and get my sheets done". I now appreciate all the work that goes into those nasty little lines.

It's true that you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone and right now, I'm sitting here wishing that a fairy godmother drafter would drop from the sky and finish my sheets. So, to all the drafters I have ever worked with: please accept my apology and please consider doing some sidework for me in the future.

The clone army

Today was a pretty good day. First of all, it was the first day of spring, which I firmly believe should be considered a national holiday. Secondly, Chris came home today. He's been gone for the last few days at an Engineer's conference. He is having a hard time adjusting to normal life after being surrounded by a clone army.

Allow me to explain. This clone army is not modeled after Jango Fett; it is modeled after this guy:

Now, I have no idea who this guy is, but he is a perfect example of a civil design engineer. Notice the plaid and the clean cut appearance. I think engineers wear plaid in hopes that when they are out in the field, the construction workers might mistake them for a hunting buddy. This seldom works. Construction workers can smell engineers from a mile away.

The field engineers have a slightly different appearance. They usually have a three day beard and, when caught bareheaded, have a permanent hat ring in their hair. They too wear the ubiquitous plaid.

You can imagine how I always stick out like a sore thumb wherever my kind gather. In spite of my most earnest efforts, I have been unable to find plaid women's clothing. If anyone has any tips on where I might find a flattering plaid shirt, please share them with me. I would be most grateful.

Everything sounds better with a British accent

This morning, I was running late and I was becoming frustrated with the long process of getting my daughter ready and fed. In the midst of my rush, the doorbell rang. I went to the door and peeked out the peephole to see a man with the worst teeth I've ever seen carrying a folder full of fliers. Since it was obvious I had made enough noise for him to hear me, I reluctantly opened the door.

As soon as I opened the door, I realized he was a Jehovah's witness. Normally, this would have been quite a vexing interruption, but as he invited me to an Easter service in a pleasant British accent, I found myself suddenly relaxed and smiling. As he left, I thanked him profusely for the flier and bid him a wonderful morning. After I shut the door and looked at the flier in my hand, I realized what had happened. I had been completely disarmed by his accent.

It is amazing how anything said with a British accent is automatically pleasant, intelligent and reasonable. To this end, next time I get pulled over, I am going to try using a British accent of my own,

"Pardon me, officer. I was merely in a rush to my flat as I must get my scones in the oven before tea time. Whilst I was in such a terrible hurry, I failed to notice the light had turned red. Terrible luck, that".

I bet the officer will just smile and tell me to go on my way before he even realizes I've pulled a fast one.

My wildest dreams

It's official! I got a new contract for a small project today. It is a retaining wall on the greenway, but as far as I'm concerned, I couldn't be more thrilled if I was asked to design the replacement for the Golden Gate bridge.

Since my nights, weekends and naptimes (Emmy's - not mine) will be consumed with this project for the next month, my blogfans should prepare for disappointment. My posts will be short but sweet for the next little while. Have a super day! I know I will.

My Giant... Purse, That is

As any mother knows, there comes a time in a child's life when the large diaper bag becomes impractical to haul around and only comes out for church, long car trips, and visits to a babysitter. Once the diaper bag goes into semi retirement, a new solution must be found to carry around a few toddler essentials.

One solution is the mini diaper bag. It is just large enough to accommodate a couple diapers and a travel pack of wipes. The other solution is the giant purse. This combines the purse and the diaper bag into one and allows you to carry one bag with you wherever you go. After careful deliberation, I chose the latter of the two options. Here is a picture of my enormous handbag. As you can see, I have placed it next to an actual elephant for size comparison:



I have always been a small purse gal, but when faced with the choice of two bags or one, I chose to simplify. I purchased the giant purse about a month ago and have been using it ever since. For anyone considering the mammoth purse option, I have composed a list of pros and cons.

Pros:
1) You are never caught without supplies when you realize "that smell" is coming from your kid's pants.
2) Snacks for your child can double as snacks for you in a pinch.
3) Baby wipes are always at your fingertips and can prove almost as useful and versatile as MacGyver's duct tape.
4) On a night when you have employed the services of a babysitter, you can ditch the diaper, wipes and snack and fill your purse with two sodas, two boxes of candy and a gallon sized bag of popcorn in order to save $40 at the movie theater.
5) The sheer size of the purse has the same effect as walking next to an obese friend: you appear to lose ten pounds without dieting.

Cons:
1) Once you get to the theater, the purse does not store neatly at your feet. Its bulk makes it very difficult to find a comfortable position.
2) It is impossible to find anything in the cavernous blackness that is the inside of the purse. Your friends and relations will have to get used to leaving voicemails because there is no way you are going to find that phone before it stops ringing.
3) The contents of the purse are constantly crashing into one another, creating a strange jangling noise wherever you go.

If this helps just one person who is on the fence about purchasing a 12 pound lump of cow skin then it was worth every ounce of effort I put into this entry, including the capture of a wild elephant.