Just Answer the Question

Last night I got a phone call from a company doing a survey for the state health department. The questions regarded how my lifestyle affected my health. Since this is about the tenth phone call I have recieved from them, I finally decided to give in and take the survey in order to stop the calls.

The first half of the survey went well. It had to do with physical health. I let the woman administering the survey that I did not smoke or drink and that I worked out regularly. Just as I was congratulating myself on my excellent health practices, we moved on to the mental health portion. I was moving right along until we go to the question, "How often do you find that normal daily activities seem excessively difficult?". I began to laugh. This question wasn't formulated by someone with small children.

Anyone who would ask this question has never shopped for groceries with a screaming infant strapped to her chest and a toddler trying to open every box and package in the cart. She (or he) has never dressed kid one, kid two and found there was no energy or time to prepare herself for the day. She has never fed kid one, kid two and then ran out of steam to do anything but grab a pop tart for herself. She has never had to orchestrate an elaborate plan to get fifty pounds of laundry and two kids from the main floor to the second floor of the house while never leaving the kids alone on either floor for more than 30 seconds. She has never woken up at 6 a.m. only to be late for the 10:15 storytime at the library. She has never tried to clean house while balancing a baby on her hip all the while working at odds with the toddler who is trying to undo her work faster than she is able to clean. She has never visited a public restroom with two very small children in tow. She has never put off going to the bathroom as long as was physically possible and when she finally gave in, came out to find this:






(it's blue pen, by the way)








So, yes, I do find every day taks difficult. Does it make me crazy? Probably.

A Musical Dinosaur

The other day a group of friends and I were having a discussion about concerts we'd seen and I realized something: most of my favorite bands are either all or mostly dead. That makes me a little sad. There are only a few bands in the last ten years that I've even remotely enjoyed listening to. The radio is packed with R&B and bands that try to sound like U2 (Yes, Chris. I'm talking about Coldplay).


Meanwhile, I am still waiting for Boston to find someone decent to replace Brad Delp or for Christine McVee to return to Fleetwood Mac or for Bon Jovi to quit sucking. But in the long run it doesn't matter because they're all getting old and I haven't found anybody new to love.


Maybe it's the new music formats that have made music so disposable. I used to love going to the store to get a new CD. I would pay fifteen bucks for an album with two songs I liked and then listen to it nonstop over the next week. Eventually, I would come to love the rest of the album. Now you pay a buck a song to download just the ones you want. Do bands even put out albums anymore or do they just release single after gimmicky single?

So there you have it. I am a musical dinosaur. I long for the days when I would browse through the used CD's at Hastings hoping that someone had cast aside a decent Peter Gabriel album. And I no longer know where to start when I want to listen to something new. The internet is crammed with mediocre music and the radio is all country all the time. So does anyone have any good suggestions on how and where to find good music? If I don't do something fast, all my faves will be too old to tour in ten years and I will be doomed to a life without concerts just as my girls will be old enough to stay home alone.

What were those chicks eating?

Today has been a day I have spent wishing I had returned to work. I started out pretty low on patience since I've been sick all week and am still trying to get over it. Emily quickly drained my low reserves this morning when she climbed to the third shelf of the linen closet and pushed all the folded sheets out of her way so she could "sleep" there. After I got her down, she followed up her opening act by climbing to the top of her bookcase and then climbing into Jane's crib so she could investigate her mobile.

And then things started to go downhill. We visited the local ranch supply store so Emily could gawk at the baby chicks. As we were leaving, I noticed a mystery greenish paste on the knees of her pants. I can only assume it was chick poop. We got home just in time for both girls to be hungry for lunch. After changing Emily's pants and considering the best method to remove bird feces from clothing, I fed Emily, fed Jane and figured I could do fine with a cookie for lunch. Then I started in on the hand-me downs. Jane is quickly outgrowing her 3 month sizes, so I retrieved the carefully packed box labeled "6 months" from the basement only to discover that although the clothes looked clean 2 years ago, the residual spit-up has caused an amazing yellowing effect over time. I'm still not sure if it will ever come out.

But as I was reading to Emily before her nap, something happened that made me glad I was at home today instead of at work. Emily and I were sitting on the bed and Jane was laying next to us investigating a toy lamb. She is at that stage where the first thing she wants to do with any toy is to stick it in her mouth. She is getting very good at grabbing things with her hand and getting them in her mouth. That's why I was surprised and elated when she pushed the toy lamb to her mouth with her little arm. Although we have been encouraging her to use her little arm, this is the first time I have seen her use it without any prompting to play with something. I'm glad I'm the one who got to see that. It wouldn't have meant much to a daycare provider, but to me it was another sign that Jane will be okay. And for now, that's exactly what I need.

How the serpent got Eve to take a bite

Although I try very hard to avoid falling for corporate America's ploys to get me to spend more money than is necessary, I admit I occasionally fall prey to the impulse buy. Lately, my Achilles heel has been Cadbury Cream Eggs. Because, you know, that bunny only cranks them out from February to April and if I don't take advantage of them now, I will most certainly regret it.

Last week, as I was doing my weekly grocery shopping, a new item was strategically placed in order to force me into another impulse buy. There I was, minding my own business in the produce section, when suddenly I noticed the clamshell case holding four small fuji apples. Not just any apples - Grapples. Apples that taste like grapes?! I had to buy this product. Because I had to know if the claim on the package was true. Did I care that the net weight was only 20 oz. and the price was $4? Of course not! Can you really put a price on fruit that tastes like other fruit?

When I reached home, I rushed to put the groceries away so I could tear open that clamshell case. As you can see, the Grapple is like any other apple. And, disappointingly, it is not purple on the inside. Does it really taste like a grape? Yes. But very subtly. To be honest, it tasted more like an apple than a grape. By a long shot. And a fuji apple doesn't have a very strong flavor to begin with. Needless to say, this week's shopping trip will not include any more Grapples. Now if they could just make a lemon flavored banana... that is something I would buy in a heartbeat.

Lamest Blog Ever

Someday, I will live a fascinating life. Someday my kids will be grown and I will travel and take up interesting hobbies and my friends will be regaled by stories of my life. Today is not that day. Today I am going to blog about my new washer and dryer and try to communicate the excitement I feel about these major appliances. Because I am very excited.

When Chris and I had only been married a couple years, we moved into our first rental house with washer and dryer hookups. Since the move was unexpected, we didn't have anything saved for said appliances. Accordingly, we purchased the least expensive set that Whirlpool made. And I was happy that I didn't have to feed quarters into the machine to do my laundry. I did four loads of laundry a week and had no complaints about my washer and dryer.

Fast forward six years... Now that we have two kids, one of which thinks it's fun to foul my shirts with spitup, I found myself doing two or three loads of laundry a day. The washer smelled like mold and the dryer took three cycles to get our clothes to damp. So when I realized we would be getting a nice tax refund this year, I immediately set about convincing Chris about how I thought it should be spent. He didn't need any convincing.




A few days ago, our new washer and dryer arrived. My life will never be the same again. They are incredibly quiet, they smell like a new car, the washer does a great job cleaning and the dryer only takes about an hour to work its magic. Best of all, they are HUGE. (We selected the Maytag Bravos, which is the largest top load we could find.) Half an hour ago, my laundry room was overflowing. Now all that laundry is spinning quietly in my beautiful new washer.

So there it is, the lamest blog post ever. I hope you enjoyed it. And if not, stay tuned. I promise my life will be more interesting once my kids are out of diapers.

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

Yesterday I was complaining about the size of my laundry room (which really is very small - like a small walk-in closet) when I realized that four years ago I was thrilled just to have a laundry room. Or a house for that matter. That got me to thinking about all the things that just a few short years ago were not even part of my life, but are now things I couldn't live without if I tried. Here are a few of my favorite recently discovered "necessities":

DVR: I love my DVR. I can't believe that I used to watch TV shows when they were actually being aired, commercials and all. Nowadays, I don't even know what night most of my favorite shows are on, let alone the time. They just magically appear on my DVR and when I am done watching them (in their original quality nonetheless), I make them go away with the click of a button. Brilliant! No more masking tape labeled VHS tapes!

Sinus Rinse: Seriously, this has changed my life. I was sitting in the doctor's office last winter with my annual sinus infection when he told me about this. Is it gross? Heck yeah. But it's the best thing to happen to my nose since Abby the dog died and she stopped stinking up the garage.



 High Speed Internet: I can't believe I used to be happy with dial-up. Now I can watch videos of skateboarding dogs to my heart's content. 






The Baby Bjorn Front Carrier: I'm actually wearing this as I type. Thank you, folks at Baby Bjorn for giving me my hands back.







Netflix: When I first heard about Netflix, I thought it was a dumb idea. Now that I have kids every outing is a huge production and it takes us a week to watch a movie. It's like getting a present in the mail every time I see the red envelope.



All Wheel Drive and Anti-lock Brakes: I never had anything but a two wheel drive car with extra locking brakes until I bought my Subaru eight years ago. Winter hasn't been the same since then. Now I would never buy another car without AWD and ABS.

There's just a short list of reasons why I can't live on $300 a month like I did in college. What are some of your favorite "must haves"?

A little modesty please

For the last few weeks I have been shopping... and shopping... and shopping for a flower girl dress for Emily. I keep running into the same problem: the dresses I have found are all immodest. Just like the phenomenon of the two-piece swimsuit for babies, the flower girl dresses seem to look indecent on the toddlers for which they are intended.

Now tell me this doesn't look a little bizarre:

(By the way, this is not the dress I selected.)

I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to spring modest dress on my girls the day we go to pick out the first bra. I figured that if I communicate to them that this is the way we dress from the time they are able to understand, it will be less of an issue. This means no short skirts, low necklines or sleeveless tops (with, of course reasonable exceptions for sports). Now that Emily is aware of clothing, it's important that I start being firm with the modesty rules.

As a result, I am currently looking for a shirt to go under Jane's Easter dress and a cardigan to go over Emily's flower girl dress. Wouldn't it be easier if manufacturers just made dresses with sleeves in the first place? Or maybe they're just trying to squeeze 20 extra bucks for a cardigan out of all the prudes like me.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just let it go for now and start imposing rules when my girls are able to actually able to understand the reasons behind them. But then, that leads to a whole new problem - I have to tell them why they need to dress modestly. It's hard enough for a girl to... develop without having to explain to her that boys are all perverts and that she needs to start wearing clothes that discourage "that kind of attention". Because then you have to explain what "that kind" is and I'm not sure I want to have that talk with a ten year old girl. So that brings me back to square one... looking for a cardigan.